Saturday, March 15, 2014
I always feel like I am struggling. Even if it is just me and my horse. I wish I could remember to just breath and slow it down. I seem to always remember after the fact.
I wish that my Grandpa Bob were still around, as he was my biggest supporter. He never forgot me, cried when I cried, and was elated when I was elated. I wish I had his strength and way of being. Even when he was told he was only to live a couple more days, he still laughed and smiled and pursued.
Everywhere I go, I get laughed at. Whether it be at a pleasure show, a lesson, the racetrack, or with friends. I have always had some fight in me to try and prove everybody wrong. But it seems as though I am losing that fire. I cannot tell if this is a mental thing or a health thing (or both).
If I could be strong, and feel like I fit somewhere, I wonder how much better a person I would be. In biology talk, I am "failing to thrive".
I am lost.