Friday, December 1, 2017


I am not even sure where to start. I've been sitting in my own little turmoil type situation lately and I feel like I have no one to talk to, so I will just lay it out on the blog in hopes that will help me feel a little better.
Here are some kittens to make this seem less horrible.
 This morning I came stumbling out of the bedroom, off balance and using the wall to get to the bathroom. This happens every morning. It takes about 10 minutes for my brain to get calculated to upright position. I wake up in pain and go to bed in pain. I blink a lot in hopes that it will get my eyes to refocus. I am nauseous and get anxious about food frequently. More and more hair keeps falling out. And I can't do anything about it until I get insurance at the beginning of the year. But even still, that hasn't helped me in the past. And so, I am worried.
I really wanted to keep her. I called her Pixel. Because she was pixelated.
I am also worried that my friends and family are getting upset with me. I get worse with the colder weather, but this feels slightly different. The pain makes me not want to do anything or go anywhere. I feel like they feel I am ditching them or being a homebody. I don't want to be this way. And I know they don't want to hear about me not feeling well because they don't understand that either. So, I am feeling pretty lonely.

I know that in the next couple of weeks that Bacon will move to the in-laws and I won't have the ability to see her every day and know the ins and outs of her day for at least the next few months. I don't know what her future looks like and that is not the best feeling. Last year at this time, I had just finished my first couple of recognized events and I was planning my season and hoping to get to training level. Right now there is just a giant question mark. If I don't get to compete my girl, I will hopefully be busting out Pandora. But going from a 16.3h thoroughbred that's raging to go through that xc course to a 13.3h stubborn reining trained midget hopefully making it around a tiny course is not something I am doing a happy dance for. And that is if the funds pan out.
Brother on Bacon. Me on the midget.
Because the other big stressor is buying a house. Currently, our selection is small. We did put an offer on a house that had many amazing things (3.55 acres, no wasted space, big barn to park small trailer and big truck and motorcycles in with hay storage on outside and covered stalls in a big dry lot plus an area for the goats, beautiful pasture, 400sqft porch, giant daylight basement, down a private drive in an area that will soon be worth $$$, fully fenced, turkey neighbors, sprinklers, etc). But it had some things going against it too. It was built in the 1920's and needed some things updated, and at the price they had it listed for, we wouldn't have been able to fix those things and make the house payment. They did not like our offer. And so far, we have not liked the other houses we have seen. Hopefully there is something for us out there in our price range. And I really wish people would quit wasting space on giant driveways with trees and big ass yards and stupid layouts.
It had a great view
Well, I feel a little better. This is just the tip of the iceberg, but at least I said it somewhere. I don't know how anything is going to go. What is my health going to do? Will Bacon be on the road to recovery, or has she entered retirement? Will I have fun on Pandora, if I get to compete her? Or just in general? Will we get a new house, the right house? Will I end up unable to do art next year and will that make me feel worthless? Will I be able to get my pet turkey? I guess we will find out.
And the turkeys were so happy to see me when I pulled up.

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Oh, Decisions.

So, I didn't post much of Bacon's medical journey through the year on here. Mostly because I am a bad blogger this year. But let me tell you, it hasn't been easy keeping that girl feeling happy and now we are at a bit of a cross roads. But let's start at the beginning.

Some of you might remember that she has a bipartite navicular bone in her right front foot.
Oh, hello extra bone. You asshole.
After discovering that last year and getting her navicular bursa injected, all seemed well and we were off having all kinds of fun at our first recognized events without any issue. We paired her injections with shoeing that included regular shoes with frog support pads and magic cushion as the packing. This seemed to be the magic recipe for a happy and sound horse. And a happy Alyssa.
I bring all the vets to the yard. But they really do love me.
When spring came about, it had been almost a year since Bacon had received those injections. Every once in a while, when she would hit a rough spot in the pasture, she would have an ouchie step, so I knew it was time to inject again (or do whatever the vet recommended). I also thought maybe her hocks were bothering her, since she usually had a hind leg cocked at rest at all times. She was also acting like a more "intense" version of herself. Normally overzealous in the spring, I didn't think much of it, but she just couldn't seem to settle or go to work like she could in the past. I brought her into the Equine Hospital, and they agreed with the idea of injecting her navicular bursa and hocks, as well as all of her other routine maintenance. She had ALL THE THINGS done spaced out over two different weeks.
Bacon and her feelings. 
Though her foot seemed to be back to normal, Bacon was not. I continued to worry when she wouldn't go forward in warm up for xc and even threatened to rear, and especially when she didn't want to play at all in our recognized dressage test in Spokane. I couldn't touch her at all, and even still, she would throw her head around and her back felt empty as she balked here and there. I cried when I got back to the barn, not because of our awful test, but because that wasn't my horse. Back to the vet she went.
Realizing that it's xc and oh yeah, it is the best. P.S. Why are my stirrups so long?
I had brought up to the vet that I thought maybe her SI was bothering her, or her lower back, and she agreed. Before resulting to injections, we wanted to test and see what muscle relaxers would do for her, as well as a dose of Osphos (typically given to navicular horses, but now starting to show that it can help with overall bone pain as well) and switch her from Pentosan to generic Adequan. I started to give her the muscle relaxers and noticed a pretty big difference right away. Also, with the muscle relaxers on board, the chiro could really work on her and gave her an amazing adjustmend with a giant POP and big sigh a day before we were to leave for Camelot. I was worried about how she would do down there, and being off the meds while competing. But she felt amazing and pulled out our best show of the season. Maybe it was because she escaped twice. Maybe it was the California air. I don't know.
Oh yeah, remember this bad assery?
We did another round of muscle relaxers once we got home, but with a lesser dose. But in my mind, I knew we were just masking a problem and not treating the cause. Bacon continued to see chiros, but they weren't doing the trick all the way for her. I started to also realize that because she points with her bad foot so much, she rests the diagonal hind. Causing her body to be balanced unevenly pretty much at all times. After Rebecca, I contacted a different vet, as my regular vet does not do SI injections, and I gave her my thorough history on Bacon and why I thought she needed a look at her SI. She came out and agreed with me (and was perhaps overwhelmed with my obsessive knowledge on my horse). It seemed as though her foot was starting to be a problem again as well, but this vet thought that maybe injecting the SI would give her enough relief that she would be comfortable on that front. I went along, but had a feeling we would be revisiting the fronts again shortly. Bacon's SI joints were both clearly causing her pain. Even just getting her scrubbed while she was sedated, Bacon would kick out and shift in discomfort. My heart sank knowing I had made her wait that long.
And this bad assery too? 
After two weeks, I relayed that Bacon was feeling a lot better in the hind, but that her RF was still not 100%. Up until this point, I had been able to extract money from the horse show fund for Bacon's vet bills, but fortunately I have a forgiving husband who let me pull from savings for the SI and coffin injections. Because they weren't cheap. I had really really liked the vet that did her SI injections, but at $700, I was feeling a little queezy. When she said she could come out to do coffins and I asked the price and $500 came up, I had to decline. Though she was amazing, I could not see how coffin joint injections could be that much. I contacted my regular vet, and she happily came out, agreed that they would be appropriate, and finished that up. With her doing the injections, plus a giant bottle of Bute, it was around $200. That was something I could live with, and something I could look my husband in the eye and tell him the cost of.
Not a good shot of the incredibly long needle.
Bacon had some time off, and then I tested her out. She felt great! We prepared quickly for Aspen, and you all know how that played out. Now having her home since then, I have noticed that she gets very ouchie with that damn foot if she is a wild pogo stick in the pasture and gallops in the rough footing. Those last injections were in August. I will not pump more injections into those joints at this time, and the vet agrees. Our new plan is to let Bacon live in my in-laws nice 2+ acre pasture for the winter with a new shoeing setup (or no shoes, haven't quite decided yet what will be best for her). Every time I think about it, I want to cry. I know it will be terrific for her mentally, and I hope it will be as well physically. I am hoping that the ability to constantly move forward in an open space will help her body relax and her foot recover, as they have a safe flat pasture and two friends for her to be with.
Destroying that championship course.
This has been quite the year. I have been blessed to have done with her what I have, as I know many aren't so lucky with their bipartite horses.And thanks to many of you, you funded our path this year through the vet bills and horse shows (I am working on my last paintings, HOORAY!) We are also in the middle of looking into moving, so that is a whole other chapter. My goal is to find a place slightly closer to my husband's work, with more land so that Bacon can continue to live in a nice pasture. This will be a big shift for me, to not have my number one girl at home. My whole schedule revolves around her, my dreams and my goals. I hurt almost everywhere, but I can do things for her. And if she needs a winter off, that is fine, or a year, or forever. She owes me nothing because she has given me so much.
Currently enjoying time with her roomate, Pandora. Who also smiles.
So, next year looks scary. I don't know where we will be at, or what we will be doing or where we will be living. But I do know come spring, we will re-evaluate my girl and see how she is and go from there. And I will continue to demand kisses and smiles from her until she leaves to go to the in-laws, and perhaps change up the dream.
My heart.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Aspen Farms: Grand Finale

If you think I was ulcering up for xc, you would be surprised to find that my stomach had turned into just a ball of acid by the time show jumping had rolled around. Saturday night, after returning late from the show party, we saw that the course was set up and proceeded to walk it in the dark. I probably should have just waited to walk it until the morning because I just laid awake thinking about the course all night long. This bending line to that bending line. Would she lock onto one of the other jumps while going through the bending lines? Could I get her to the base of the triple bar? Could I get her to ride that first line in six? What about that vertical to oxer in the last combo?

It was taxing. My friends' say I am a lot like Bacon and sometimes I don't see it. But thinking about that, and seeing how I worry about any and everything like a certain bay mare, I can see where they get that idea from. We walked it again in daylight, this time with E's trainer, and I tried to keep up and listen for the pieces that would fit Bacon and I's ride. We watched the advanced riders go, who all made the course look easy, but almost all took the same vertical down, and I went off to braid my horse. E got to watch a couple of the prelim riders go and stated that a certain oxer was also getting a lot of horses because they weren't being ridden forward to it, so I put that in my memory bank as well. Soon it was time to tack up and head over.

Bacon warmed up like a dragon in heat. I figured she would be a tad tired by now, but I guess not. She was jumping fairly well, but was strong and her haunches were doing a special dance going all directions. I was struggling, as my body began to radiate pain weirdly throughout. Not just my normal joint or muscle pain. I don't even know how to describe it. I just knew it wasn't happy. But it was time for us to go in. I did not ride to the first jump totally forward, which screwed up our distance to the second jump. I buried her at the second fence, causing a rail. That flustered me for a second, body getting heavier and more painful with each stride as I shook it off and tried to get us in balance for the triple bar.

As we went around the course, I could tell things were getting worse. I remembered to ride forward to the oxer at four and Bacon jumped it well. She jumped cleanly over the vertical that everyone was taking down, which took me by surprise and then caused me to pick a poor line to our first combo and she jumped it awkwardly, but clean. Right at jump seven, my chest squeezed tight, I gasped and my body stung. Bacon hit the rail hard, but it stayed. I don't remember much of the course from here. I just basically steered her towards the rest of the jumps and she did what she was supposed to do. She finished the course off nicely, and we ended with our four jump faults. She calmly walked out of the ring, a totally different horse from warm up as I looked around for help.

E asked how the course rode as we walked by and I couldn't answer. I was still fighting to catch a real breathe. The lady handing out plaques noticed me struggling. I told her I needed my inhaler. Blake had it, but he was videoing E's round, who was a ride or two after me, and to not disturb him until he was finished. My body tremors started to kick in and apparently that scared her because she ran off to grab the EMTs and I heard them announce for them on the loud speaker. I was horrified. I did not need EMTs. I just needed to rest, catch my breath and my inhaler. But tremors, they don't look friendly, and people don't believe you when you tell them they are normal. They arrived and gathered around me, all the while Bacon is holding completely still, and wanted me to get down. I told them I would like to stay on please, it is worse for me to get down. My body just kind of turns into putty, so, I am more comfortable sitting on my horse. She wasn't going anywhere, she knows the drill. Blake arrived with my inhaler. I drank some water. Everything started to calm down.

I was pleased to find out that Bacon and I had made it into the ribbons. We were called into the arena with everyone, and I laughed when I found out we were ninth place. Another grey ribbon to add to our collection. Our fifth one (three ninths, two fourths). I was just tickled to have gotten some satin. Bacon was a good sport about not being able to see out of her left eye for her victory gallop too, due to her ribbon. She seemed like an old pro for her victory gallop, which cracks me up.

Overall, I really loved Aspen. We got lucky with the weather, it only sprinkled a little bit one night. But it is an excellent facility and the vibe was just great. I hope to be back there next year. But this means our season has come to a close. I am very grateful that I was able to go to as many shows as we did. We saw a lot of new places, went to new states and moved up a level. My horse carried me over jumps I never thought I would do in a million years. Challenged me in new ways, both as a rider and in my general horsemanship, and she took care of me more times than I can count. It was a great year with my best girl!

Friday, September 15, 2017

Aspen Farms Chams: XC Day

Always and forever hanging on.
Also known as: day of down. So many jumps. All going down. Aspen, you are a cruel mistress. At least, your training course designer is. I wanted a challenging xc course because A: it is championships and B: I like to see what Bacon and I are capable of. I may be whiny in person when we do the course walk, I may be getting ulcers and not able to sleep the night before, but I secretly like it.

Your first view from the start box is just this sea of jumps. Beautiful, creative, jumps. Everywhere. But your ass better be paying attention, because you have ONE jump, and it's coming up fairly quickly because being in the champ division, you have a shorter optimum time than the regular division by almost 20 seconds, plus more jump combos and a slightly more difficult course. I was unphased by this hanging log thing. Next was a table, whatevs. I was more distracted by the giant toads in the muddy creek bed that we gallop past on the way there. Three is this giant saw, which friend E says, always rides awkwardly (she was right) to a sharp right hand turn to a giant open-y table to a tree tunnel. Alrighty then.

Water drop!
I started to be phased. The table had a little bit of a drop to the back of it, but not too bad. Next, you gallop through the tree tunnel, out of nowhere comes a jump on the right, and then a left to a small drop leading to your half coffin. A nice easy trakhener, up and down a hill, then up again to a "sushi" jump, and sharp left hander to a stupid water drop. This is where I start to ulcer up. The water is turquoise. It looks weird. I hate drops. But, there was no combo or anything, so that was easier.
You put your right hand in and wiggle it all about.

Then it was slightly up a hill to jump a roll top down a steep hill and and right turn to jump down this GIANT DROP OF DOOM. This is where I threw a little bit of a fit. The only other show I have down that had a down drop was Camelot and that looked like a baby drop compared to this thing. My friend reminded me of the prelim one I had schooled there, but I still pouted as we moved on. There was a maxed out steeplechase, a nice easy roll top before jumping into the back water with another jump out. A mad dash until you came to another downhill jump, and then a very vertical tall brush jump with a few different line choices to a corner. I chose to go straight, which meant I trust Bacon to not just run out to the right, and Bacon would have to really jump the corner at an angle. Up the hill the pick which side of the "whale tale" you wanted to jump leading you to the epic ship. Which had another damn drop on the back. And lastly, a maxed out table with brush on the back, to make sure you never quit riding.
This makes it looks so small. Lame.

I walked the course twice, and should have walked it once more. Bacon was dead quiet while I tacked her up, but the second I got on, she knew what was up. Warm up was insane, and we just did our best to keep away from collisions. Unfortunately, there was some miscommunication between the start box crew and the warm up gate and while I was originally told I had two minutes until I had to head over, the lady quickly changed her tune and said "HEAD OVER NOW. PLEASE TROT." So I did, while trying not to run over oblivious children in my way as she screamed at them to move. When I got over to the start box, they were already counting me down from the 30 second mark, so I slapped on the helmet cam and watch and headed on out.

Everything was going well. Bacon was a little strong and leaving long (her favorite) but feeling happy out there. As usual. We came to the water drop and she took a tiny peek but lept off nicely. I got so excited about that, that I took a sharp left hand turn out of the water instead of guiding her to the right of the pedestrian tape. Of course, I didn't know this until I was facing the intermediate drop combination. "Where the hell is it?" I got a little flustered, then noticed the Kerrits sign plastered on my rolltop jump and drunkenly made my way to the correct spot. I had learned that this combination caused a lot of issues in the spring because people rode it too fast, so I slowed our tempo and guided us to the doom. Guess what. It rode like cake. I like out a WOO! and told Bacon to GO! for our gallop stretch because I knew I had caused us some time up there.

She gleefully took that challenge. And almost hit a tree while I re-grabbed my rein. I'm glad homegirl trusts me enough but I wish there was enough common sense to not run into trees. We soared over the steeplechase. Easy peazy over the roll top. She was totally game towards the water, then took a hard gawk at it last second and went right in. I got her in super deep to the vertical brush, but she saved us over that and went straight to the corner, never even thinking there was an option to run out. Good mare. Again, I got her in deep to the whale tail, but she sailed over the ship and took a long ass spot to the giant table, kicking her hind legs out to not touch the brush on the way out.
Don't touch it!
I was so pleased with her. She made it feel easy. I was so worried about it and fretted for nothing. I always do and my husband never knows why. That's her calling. If I ask her, she will go. My getting us lost cost us 2.8 times penalties, but that's all good. Normally after xc, I move up quite a few places, but like I had mentioned, this was a great group of horses and riders. There was only one refusal out of the whole group. Which bummed me out, because Open Training Champs had 11 stops, mostly at the water drop. But that just made me more proud of my awesome mare. Apparently Eventing Nation thought my helmet cam was funny too, and decided to share it, so you can enjoy it there if you would like.
A better look at this dumb bank.
The next day was show jumping. Which might be my least favorite/most stressful. I was not looking forward to that, given our last couple of rounds.

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Aspen Farms Area VII Championships: Oh God Here We Go

Whoa. Drugs.
So, somehow Bacon and I qualified for our area championships. And I decided to give it a whirl. I also forgot to mention in my last post that upon arriving home from the last show, Bacon slipped out of the trailer and lept back in, throwing all of herself directly into the path of my thumb. Promptly dislocating it. I was able to back her off the trailer correctly, and get her around to the back of my house and get half of her shipping boots off before I couldn't stand it anymore. I gave it a few sharp wiggles and then there was a giant POP complete with blinding pain, and then I was able to slightly move it again. I thought it would stop hurting by now. That is false.
Butt pokings.
Anyways, yes. I signed up for the Training Rider division because why not. I did, however, want a vet to come out beforehand and check out Bacon's SI joint and see if it needed some tender loving care. I was correct. Poor mare was sedated and was still trying to kick out while they were scrubbing the area. I'm sorry Bacy. Not only did she receive a giant needle stabbing to the butt, but she got some extra juice in her coffin joints as well. And lots of rest. Plus all of the smoke and heat did not want us doing too much anyways.
I love her in this picture.
"Please save me"
Us girls loaded up early Wednesday morning and we headed out on funky routes to Aspen to avoid the fires and road closures. It was a smoke fest all the way up there though, with Cle Elum being our gas stop and them also being in a level one evacuation. It sucked. We were happy to pull in to Aspen finally, and I was super excited because I have always wanted to compete there. It looked awesome. They have the barns spaced out in groups and everything is kind of placed just far enough away from each other that even though it is a large event, it doesn't feel too busy or chaotic. I thought Bacon might like the quietness of our barn area, especially because we were the first ones there, but she was fired up. She never settled in quite like she did at Rebecca or Stanton. Which gave me ulcers. But it is what it is. After we set up camp, we went into town for some Mexican foods and then went to bed. I hate a dream where Bacon died, and then never really went back to sleep, and then thought my friend E kept trying to hog the bed, so I kept moving away from her touch. Only to find that it was the chihuahua seeking warmth. Sorry tiny dog.
Made it down centerline. That's good.

We went off for breakfast that morning before coming back and riding the ponies. Bacon started off alright, even giving me a little stretchy trot, before I could feel the tension taking over and her brain checking out. She was getting heavier and heavier, with more and more head shaking and crookedness, and when I tried cantering she though about bolting instead. I got off and headed towards the lunging arena to save my energy a little bit. She behaved herself well in there and I was pleased with that. I thought I would take her back out later that day and try to ride her again to end on a more positive note.
Still downhill because butt still recovering.
Free walk ears.
Well. That was wishful thinking. She came out way worse. She was even more tense and more strong and I could half halt a trillion times over and she wouldn't do a damn thing about it, but if I strongly half halted she would get extremely offended and come unglued. I was at a loss. I just kept trying to ride softly and bend her and ask for lateral movements, and she went around like she was pissed off and drunk. There were even more horses in the arena now and I was doing my best to stay out of the way. I saw that the smaller arena became available, so I went over there, but unfortunately, others followed. Others watched and whispered and pointed as I rode passed and I did my best to keep my head up and just keep on trying. All I knew was that I did not feel like I belonged that, and that I certainly didn't feel like a champion. I was exhausted and defeated and threw in the towel, wanting to walk back home to Idaho, and terrified to embarrass myself the next day.
Apparently this free walk deserved a 6. Friend's horse had no stretch and less overstep, it received a 7. I know it's not perfect, but how about a 6.5.

Nope. Not done yet. Sorry.
Later that night the boys arrived and told Blake of my sorrows. We planned to give Bacon a light lunge in the morning and then maybe once more right before I got on because that seemed to help her brain the most. I did not sleep a lick that night. That morning, I got up and took her for a long walk first thing. That really settled her down. She lunged quite well and seemed happy to go to work. I put her away and hoped for the best. After tacking up, I lunged her for another 10 minutes before getting on. She was very quiet and almost lazy, but still not really wanting to do her downward transitions all the way going to the right. I just rolled with it and got on. She happily hacked over to the warm up ring, which was very busy. I was almost frozen on her when we got in there because I didn't want to awaken the beast. We walked on a long loose rein and she was very quiet. I sighed and picked up the reins, asked for trot. Quiet. Changed directions, bending, lateral work, all quiet. Canter work, quiet. I quit there. I probably should have asked for trot lengthenings or stretchy trot, but I just couldn't. It was then time to go in.

Our 5.5 lengthening :( Yes. I will pout.
We did it!
She immediately woke up a little bit upon entering that ring. I am sure some of that was me. I just tried to stay quiet. I rode a very conservative test, and didn't push for anything. It is very obvious, which is not very champion-like, but better than explosive in my opinion. She got a little stiff and bracey and opinionated in there, and always always takes advantage of the stretchy trot circle as an opportunity to trot as fast as she wants on the forehand with no stretch whatsoever. So that sucked. But, overall, better than my last two dressage tests and way better than I thought it was going to end up according to the previous day's ride. So I was smiling when I came out of the ring, even though I knew we would be in last place most likely again. I did not look at my score that day, but E did, and she was also competing in my division on her thoroughbred. And it seemed like there was quite a bit of inconsistency with this judge's scoring, and a general dislike for thoroughbreds overall, so that was a little disappointing. But, that is the way the game is played sometimes. She did like our turnout, however. We ended up with a score of 42.1.
Feeling better about it all.
Let's get out of here, girl.