The Madness

It was all about the birthday madness over here a few days ago. I celebrated the big "25", and yes, I do feel older. I am now closer to 30. Boo!!!

Another form of madness? The concoction of meds I am now on. Holy Moses. I know my doctor said it would take a couple of weeks to get use to these bad boys, but wow. For the first week, it felt like my soul was melting. After the first night of meds, I couldn't really function and had to take the day off. My whole body shook, I was dizzy, couldn't see, was extremely weak and very nauseous. Every day has been some form of that, only lessened. Except for the "not sleeping" part. I take my pills, pass out for a couple of hours, and wake up shaking and flailing. Most nights I get about 4 hours. Yuuuuuuck. It is getting better though, and I hope to be normal this coming week.

Workin' it.

Also, they are making me drink 32 oz of water and hold it for an hour for my ultrasound (NOT PREGNANT RELATED) and I am sorry, but are you freaking kidding me? I am a peeing machine.

But back to the birthday. Most of the day I felt horrible, so it was mostly laying and napping. But the Boy had other plans. He had invited a bunch of our friends over for a dinner/party. He even cooked for the first time ever. This really worried me. We had mountains of pasta everywhere. And all of my friends kept arriving. I didn't know I had so many friends! I received great presents and ate wonderful pie, and had an awesome time. Blaker even got me a new Charles Owen Wellington Pro helmet to show in! I think I need to play dress up in it first though....

Well hello there!

I had two days where I felt up to riding Bacon. The day before, she was wonderful and light and moving comfortably. The next day, Blake took pictures, and she was zoom zoomin' everywhere. I have been working on riding her forward into contact and getting her to lift in the front. This is difficult for me, because as a western rider, we are always looking to get the horse to pretty much avoid contact and run around on a free rein with their head in a "collected" type position. So don't laugh at me. Because I am a noob, but I WILL figure this out.

And I may have purchased an ogilvy pad with my tax return....

Soon to be riding in comfort and style...

Better

Feel so free.

 This made me feel better.

I had planned on fixin' that wild mane today.

This ride made it sink in again. We didn't go too fast. We went pretty slow actually. But I got to work on me, and work with her, and feel her move under me.

Race trainer yelled at me to quit smiling as we galloped past.

But, this is where I am supposed to be this morning, and I am not. And it is frustrating. First of all, Meaty had a lovely episode of diarrhea on Sunday. After my lovely ride on the red filly, we got home and had that nice surprise. I went straight outside to play with my ponies, and Blake immediately came out and grabbed my pitchfork.

"Trade me".

"What do you mean?"

"There's a mess in the house..."

Yeah. There was a mess alright. Three nice big mastiff sized piles. One of which he stepped in and walked all over the house. NOOOOOO.

But I am cute, right?

And so last night, he gave me the signs of a sick dog, and I had lots of trips out of bed to rush his ass outside. So there was that.

Yesterday involved a trip to the doctor for me. I haven't been in over a year, and I have a never ending list of symptoms. I handed this new doctor my list. Complete with side pony tail and pink heels, she looked up from my paper and told me she wasn't superhuman, but she would try to cover as many of these symptoms she could in the first trip.

This was one of the first doctor appointments I have ever enjoyed. She actually listened to me, asked me lots of questions and gave me a thorough examination. She also had a lot of sass, and I could sass her back and that was fun. So far, we are exploring fibromyalgia, addressing my anxiety and gastrointestinal issues in a different way, and doing a bit of bloodwork to look for some autoimmune issues. She saw how horrible my sinuses are, felt the arthritis in my hands, knees, and apparently now elbows, examined my swollen tonsil and talked about my asthma.

Yeah, I am a wreck. It could always be worse though.

It will be nice if I can breath a little better, not have constant abdominal cramping, and not feel painful and weak some days. If just a little of that could get better, that would be absolutely wonderful.

But, instead of enjoying my time on a wonderful red racehorse, I am now lying with my heater blanket next to a smelly dog with an incredibly sore throat and ear (damn wind) wishing I could be better already. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Some Days.

Yeah. These days. Or actually most days. I feel sad, and weak and lost. I don't think I have felt like I have ever fit in anywhere, especially in the horse world.

I always feel like I am struggling. Even if it is just me and my horse. I wish I could remember to just breath and slow it down. I seem to always remember after the fact.

I wish that my Grandpa Bob were still around, as he was my biggest supporter. He never forgot me, cried when I cried, and was elated when I was elated. I wish I had his strength and way of being. Even when he was told he was only to live a couple more days, he still laughed and smiled and pursued.

Why can't I do that?

Everywhere I go, I get laughed at. Whether it be at a pleasure show, a lesson, the racetrack, or with friends. I have always had some fight in me to try and prove everybody wrong. But it seems as though I am losing that fire. I cannot tell if this is a mental thing or a health thing (or both).

If I could be strong, and feel like I fit somewhere, I wonder how much better a person I would be. In biology talk, I am "failing to thrive".

I am lost.

Goats Love Beet Pulp

Did you know that? Because I didn't until just now. Neighbor goats went all cray-cray (only time I have said that word) for some leftover crunchy beet pulp. Huh.

And also, I think we need a drum roll, because.....I ate too much spaghetti!

No, just kidding. BACON AND PANDORA ARE HOME!!!! And I did eat way too much.

Whoa. New house!

So, Saturday the boy attempted to bring ponies home while I worked. And I paced and paced at work, imagining all of the horrific scenarios playing out in my head (someone gets stuck in the front feeder in the trailer, the boards break and legs fall through as Blake is driving down the freeway leaving me with nubby horses, etc.) and all of the girls told me it would be fine. And then I got a call from Blake saying he couldn't get Bacon in the trailer.

So after work, I rushed home to find that he had thrown her back in her pen with her shipping boots still on standing in about a foot of mud. Nice job there, buddy. I took those off, attempted to get in her the trailer, and realized that she wasn't going to fit no matter how much we wanted her to. Way to tall for our tin can two horse trailer. Plus, I don't think she had been let out of her pen for several months and it was all windy and crap, so that didn't help. I decided to lunge her, and I felt like I was flying a very large kite.

"Hey Eugene! Is this what I am supposed to be doing?"

Luckily, we have awesome friends who came to the rescue. Instead, we came out to the track on Sunday, and I got legged up on a super sweet red filly. She had been aced the previous day and was a little slow, so they thought she would be fine without any for my ride. And she would have been if I didn't have such flappy little arms...oh well. I backtracked her longer than I was supposed to, turned around and took off after the horse in front of us, then another horse, and being it was only her second day on the track I waited for her to tire. And tire she did, very quickly. Having done this A LOT last year (a tale for another day), I felt quite comfortable on a horse I had no control over with my sad little body. We galloped a lap, and parked it. We were both very tired. People laughed. I laughed.

Aaannnddd my body was done. Boy walks me back.

Then, redheadlins and friends brought a spacious three horse over, and loaded up the nervous wreck of mine, and the Pandora. Very slowly, ever so slowly, we drove to our home. I was amused when the horses arrived, saw me out of their windows, and nickered at me in what I would call a very confused tone.

They came. They saw. They rolled. And rolled. And rolled some more. Loving all of their new sand and mudless pens. I was very happy. And very exhausted.

We got us a sand pile!

The next day, I took them out after work for a good lunging in their new tiny arena. There was more kite flying. The day after, not so much. They decided they didn't like all of the hard work they had to do in the deep sad. Muahaha!

Well hello Bacon's ass. Welcome to the picture.

Today, I rode the red filly again (drugged) and she was perfect! It was so weird to me to turn a horse around and not just haul ass. I couldn't believe I was going so slow. A horse even passed me. I had to kiss at her to keep her momentum. And my legs were burnin' after! I believe that was the shortest my stirrups had ever been. I still don't feel I have accomplished this galloping racehorses thing because the only ones I can gallop successfully are drugged ones or "babies". At least I don't fall off?

That's funny. I don't remember bringing a yak home.

And for today, since the ponies have settled in so nicely, I decided to hop on Bacon and give her a good grooming session. It was wonderful! I haven't ridden this girl in a good 5 months or so, but she was great. I even suckered my dad in to taking some pictures. She also had a pedicure and a beard shave. Such a lady. (Side note: Pandora has already escaped her pen once. That is what I get for not triple checking the clip on her chain).

Nobody likes ass chunkage.

Well OK, maybe Bacon's. 

We're fancy.

Strechy stretch. All decked out in OTTB wear!

So, there you have it. Two down, two more to go! I am so excited for them to be here!

NO.

NOPE. No horses here yet!

Let me just take a moment to say, I AM DYING INSIDE.

There. Nope, still don't feel better. Oh well.

So basically, all we got done this weekend was finishing one pen, before Blake's drill crapped out on us. And then I went out and seeded the pasture and nipped the barbwire fencing off of one post. And tried to scrape out as much old hay as possible without dying (I've got the 'llergies to hay) out of the hay barn. And....pretty sure that was it. It rained. Blake had homework. I have swollen tonsils. It's just NO.

And now I am again waiting for the weekend to come. I guess it is something to look forward to, right?

I guess as far as pictures go, I don't really have any. I have old ones? And I was comparing Bacon with the first year that I got her, to about now. I am sure you can all notice a difference...

The month after I got her. 

2nd ride on her. First week I had her.

That same summer...

And now, last October.

Also, last October.

But I still love seeing Blake on Bacon. 

The last picture makes me smile. Not because she was so skinny (AHHHPOJABJB!) but because Blake was riding her. And in traditional Blake style, just threw on his saddle, back cinch and all, and spurs and rode off. And Bacon was all, back cinch and spurs? If you say so!

Note: I am not recommending his strategies. He is a weirdo. 

Also Note: I scored a pair of FITS breeches off of Ebay for $60. Yes, I am proud of that!