Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Scratching Things and Possible Goodbyes

How life feels.
I am sure you are all wondering how Bacon is doing after her injections. The answer is better, but not great. I keep kicking myself over and over for not getting the left coffin joint injected while I was there at the hospital. She may be better on the right, but the left seems to still be giving her issues. We just now were able to get her shoes back on today. I thought maybe she might like a break from shoes, but I was very wrong. I don't think that helped with her lameness I am seeing, Her feet quickly fell apart around the walls, which is not what I was suspecting would happen.

Bacon keeps things more interesting than they should be.
With our main and only real mode of transportation currently out of service, we are a bit stuck. I want to take her back in to inject the left and pick the vet's brain a little more. But all of this mess with no great retreat of lameness led me to scratch the event we had been hoping to go to for over a year now. Dang it.
This is boring.
Even if she gets back to normal with shoes, it is not fair to ask her to go out and perform more than she ever has, and risk a different injury. I love her too much. There will be other horse trials, if not Aspen (area championships are being held at Aspen in September this year, otherwise I would shoot for that one). Perhaps Stanton Farms in August? That one is in Idaho, even. Our only recognized horse trial!

Not only did I have to scratch from Aspen, I am scratching from the Karen O'Conner clinic and my favorite event derby as well. Those were supposed to be this weekend. I am not going to lie. I am very sad. I rode and lunged Bacon 4 days after her injection as told, and looked at my husband as tears filled my eyes. I knew we wouldn't be going anywhere. It is hard to see her still uncomfortable, and I am not sure what will happen beyond getting the left coffin joint injected. Maybe our whole year is out the window. Who knows.
Look at this cuteness.
I had also told myself that I was going to be listing Vegas before all of this happened. With more tears, I typed out her add, cleaned her up for pictures and posted her. I quickly gained SO MUCH interest in her. The first person to contact me came out the following day to try her out. She has only been riding for a few months and was looking for a horse to learn on and gain some confidence. She brought her more experienced friend along, who has been helping her learn to ride a friend's ex endurance Arabian they are leasing. Vegas was nice to be caught in the pasture, they picked up her feet while out there, and I brought her in.
Pretty unicorn.
She stood quietly to be groomed and tacked, as I talked with them about her past and her training I had done with her. The lady had mentioned on the phone that she had a three piece shanked bit, so I pulled mine out and showed them the ropes. Though she was a bit green (she has been mostly sitting around for 2 years, after all) she was very very good. Then the lady mentioned that she would rather ride bitless, so I took the bridle off and slipped our bosal on her. Again, I went around, showed them her gaits and fancy buttons. The potential buyer then got on, tried to hold the reins one handed (but with two hands?) and steer her, which doesn't work like that in a bosal, but Vegas still tried to figure out what she was asking. They walked and jogged around, Vegas already a bit tired from being unfit. Her friend then got on and absolutely loved her. She thought she was so fun to side pass and spin around. PB whined that she wasn't very fast or spirited, and friend told her that she really didn't need, or want, that. That Vegas would be great to learn on because she has the buttons, you just need to practice finding them.

It was hard to watch others riding her. I kept thinking "no, no, no, that is not how you ask her to do that. She is confused. You have to do x,y,z..." I have been her main rider always. Her and I have our communication down. But she was so good having all of these random people on her. They thought she was drugged because she was so quiet. I assured them that she wasn't. She was also concerned because I brought up the fact that she can tie up if she is worked too hard and isn't fit enough for the amount of work being asked. It isn't a problem at all once she is fit, but you have to keep that in mind once she begins to be ridden after winter. They loved her, but had two more horses to see that day that were half the price, so I figured I wold be meeting with the next set of people.

I got a text later that night saying that she wanted to schedule a pre-purchase exam, and pending results, she would be taking her home. That was fast. Her exam is scheduled for Friday, so I get to hang out with her for a few more days. I cry off and on when I think about her leaving and not knowing what her life and ending will be like. I feel like the worst horse mom. Selling this horse that has only known me and spoiling for more than 8 of her 9 years. But if she ends up at this new home, she will have a nice pasture, lady and kids to love on her, and perhaps some drill team to participate in. If they don't take her, there are about twenty more people lined up to snag her. I guess I priced her too low? All I know is, I am going to miss that familiarity that is sitting on her back and hugging her grumpy face.
I started crying right after this.
It feels like I am losing a lot these past couple of weeks. I am feeling pretty lonely and with the heat coming, I am slowly losing my appetite. So that means no pie to comfort me. And when I tried to buy Aztec Diamonds to fill the gaping hole in my senses, I couldn't because they don't take paypal and my credit card holds the funds for Bacon's hospital visit. Stop the madness, damnit. But, that is where I am at. I am a little cloudy right now, but hopefully some light will start to shine through, and things will start to feel normal-ish again.
Even Blaker hopped on for one more ride.


  1. I'm so sorry everything is going so rough right now. Goodbyes are always so hard, I can't imagine saying goodbye to a horse I've had for so long. If she was closer to me I'd snatch her up and give you visiting rights for whenever. She's a beautiful mare and you've done an amazing job with her!
    Same for Bacon - these horses are lucky to have you.

  2. oh i'm so sorry Alyssa! that just royally sucks :( i hope you can get all the ducks in a row to keep Bacon on the path to complete soundness and comfort soon! scratching from those events is definitely disappointing, but like you say, there will be more! and good luck with Vegas. I can't imagine... she is so lovely tho and you've done so well with her that she's sure to land an awesome home! hang in there!

  3. SO MANY HUGS. Vegas will make her new people so happy, she is such a lovely horse and you have made her that way! You are doing right by your girls, and that is what's important!

  4. All I can do is send you big internet stranger hugs. So many hugs <3

  5. I happened to be poking through startbox last night and saw that you'd scratched. Really bummed for you, but sounds like the right choice. Hope she's feeling better soon.

    1. I do my best to make everyone as uncomfortable as possible.

  6. This is a very hard time for you and there's lot of adjustments to be made. Allow yourself the time you need

  7. :( I am so sorry, both that Bacon doesn't feel well and that Vegas may be leaving *big hugs* there will be brighter horizons I am sure of it.

  8. Wishing the cloud lifts for you soon. Selling Vegas is certainly hard, but it sounds like a nice person to scoop her up.

  9. Selling a horse you've had for a long time can be really hard, but it sounds like it is a great home -- that always made it a little easier for me. Hopefully they will keep in contact so you can follow along with all of Vegas' new adventures!

    Sorry to hear about Bacon, hopefully she is feeling better soon :(

  10. Sorry to hear things are a little rough at the moment. Fingers crossed for Bacon , and virtual hugs for Vegas :)

  11. So sorry about Bacon and loosing Vegas. I hope the new home works out for her though.

  12. im so sorry about bacon :( but you'll get her back on the right track soon, youve already started!

    and it sucks to have to let go of vegas. shes so gorgeous and such a good girl, she'll find someone who adores the crap out of her.

  13. Sending you hugs here so that I'm not persuaded to give you creepy hugs in person.

  14. You should feel like a great horse mom with Vegas because although we can't always control where life takes us and as much as we all wish we could keep our horses forever... sometimes it doesn't work out that way. You made sure that Vegas got an education and that she is a solid equine citizen. I think that is the best gift we can give to our horses. I know that does not make it easier having to lose her from your life but I hope you are proud that you have helped others see her value.

  15. Oh my goodness, you just keep going through the wringer. I feel so many feels for you. Hugs.

  16. *hugs* sweetie, hard choices but it sounds like Vegas was a great girl and your love & hard work has helped shape a wonderful equine partner for her next person.
    Keeping everything crossed for some Bacon improvement *moar-hugs*

  17. *hugs* I definitely think Vegas is worth a few figures. Everything happens for a reason, stay strong

  18. Oh, Alyssa. Sending you so many hugs right now.

    Know that you are never alone and things will get better <3

  19. I'm sorry to hear about your rough patch. Being responsible and adulting really sucks sometimes. But, you are a great horse mom, you are making sure Vegas goes to a happy home, and making sure Bacon is properly taken care of and clearly have her safety and well-being as top priority. She is very lucky to have you! Hoping she is on the mend soon and that you find some peace knowing you found Vegas a wonderful home.

  20. Many, many hugs. You area wonderful horse mom and I wish you could catch a break already!

    Alyssa, do you read The Wilder Coast? It is an achingly beautiful non-horse blog. She is such an incredible writer and her views of the world are just gorgeous. The photos, yes, but also the way she writes. A beautiful mind, this one. And she was recently diagnosed with chronic Lyme. I thought of you, and have been saving the link to this post for you:
    In the wild hope that maybe there is some information there that you haven't heard yet, that might help you.

    Many more hugs.